How to Move on from Relationships

You’re at a party and you’re bored out of your wits. In your mind, you’re already in bed with that exciting new paperback and a glass of red wine. Then a mutual friend introduces you to this cute guy. As you talk, you discover you have so much in common, and he makes you laugh like nobody else does. Suddenly, you’re aware of that strand of hair that isn’t tucked away neatly. You begin to worry he’s going to notice that you smell, then you silently chastise yourself for not going to the nail salon that morning. You’re happy. Fast forward three years and he no longer brings you flowers. You’re constantly fighting about the pettiest things. You’re annoyed with his little quirks that you used to adore. He likes spending more time with his friends than with you. Then the inevitable happens: You break up.

Heartache is a lot to handle especially for those who have grown too accustomed to being with their partners. They say time heals a broken heart, but how much time does it take? Is there any way to recover faster?

I’m not in any way an expert in this subject, but here are my suggestions for easing the pain.

Before even going into a relationship, you have to make sure that you’re okay with just being you and being single. Most people are looking for that person to fill some hole in their lives. This is a recipe for disaster. You can’t expect people to stay forever. If you treat someone temporary as if he’s there to stay, it will be harder to move on. You can never tell how much a person is willing to hold on to you even when it seems like everything is falling into place. Most importantly, it will be harder for you to appreciate what you already have in you.

So before you decide to commit, make sure you’re committed to yourself enough to be happy with just being you because let’s face it. You’re awesome.

It’s important to grow as a couple, but this makes it easy to forget to grow as yourself. One of the hardest pills to swallow when you break up is that you don’t get to do the usual things you did regularly. You’re then reminded of your partner every time you go to the park because you always had your picnics there. It’s hard not to cry when you go to the office because he used to accompany you every day. Maybe it’s even harder to shower now because you used to do that together too (no judgments here . . . perhaps just a little envy).

This is why it’s more difficult to move on. You did almost everything together. The solution? Spend more time alone while you’re in the relationship. Take cooking classes without your boyfriend. If you’re a guy, attend the gym alone or with your buddies instead of doing it with your girlfriend. Find something that can make you grow as a person without having your partner there because whether or not you’re in a romantic relationship, you have a relationship with yourself and you owe it to you to be better every day.

Take advantage of the productivity rule of not procrastinating. Not moving on when you have to is basically like putting off something that you need to do now to be better. And we all know how bad it makes us feel if we don’t do the things we need to do right away.

Let’s be real here. You’re going to move on anyway. It might be two weeks from the breakup or maybe even two years. The point is, if you know it won’t work and you’re not getting back together, why don’t you move on now? It still might hurt, but we have to let go of the things that don’t add value to our lives. The more you hold on, the worse you will feel. Just think of it as a good story you’re going to tell your grandkids someday when you finally find that one person who’s worth your time. Remember that you broke up for a reason. Acknowledge that you had an awesome thing going while it lasted, but think rationally about the situation.

As Mark Twain said, “If you have to eat a live frog at all, it doesn’t pay to sit and look at it for very long.”

OoO

Maybe you’re rolling your eyes as you’re reading these tips. Moving on from a relationship, especially if it was really special or if it lasted for quite a while, is easier said than done. I don’t intend to dismiss the validity of the pain you’re feeling when you’re brokenhearted. It’s hard. The broken heart can be healed with time, but having that sadness weigh in on your life for much longer than needed will take its toll on the other areas that matter.

Think about it this way. Successful people don’t just wait. They do something to be the person they want to be. You want to move on? Be intentional about it. Do what you need in order to be happier now that the relationship is over. And don’t forget to pray. God is a greater healer than time. And when you have God in your heart, you are never truly alone.