My Experience as a K-Pop Fan and Why I’m Not One Anymore

It all started one summer when the news about a Filipina singer impressing Koreans reached me. Charice Pempengco, now Jake Zyrus, performed a breathtaking rendition of Jennifer Hudson’s “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” at the Korean show Star King. The audience was blown way by Charice’s talent. One group was sitting on the benches at the side of the stage, and after the song, a member of that group was picked to sing “A Whole New World” with Charice. This was Kyuhyun, and the group he was with is the famous Super Junior. I fell in love with his voice and started searching online about the group. The first video I saw was “U,” and I liked the beat and found all the guys really cute. I looked for more music videos and listened to all of them, even memorizing the lyrics in the process. When I ran out of music videos, I looked for reality shows, interviews, and really anything where I could see them. Without realizing it, I spent my time being sucked by the Internet. Since this happened during summer vacation, I had all the time in the world.

I remember sleeping as late as 3 AM and waking up at 5 in the morning just to see SuJu. When it was time to eat, I would bring my food to the computer table and consume it there. When my parents told me I couldn’t do that anymore, I would turn the volume up and have their songs playing in the background while I ate. I murdered the replay button on all of their music videos. I memorized their birthdays, hobbies, and idiosyncrasies. The official fan club called ELF (Ever Lasting Friends) had millions of fans like me who are crazy about the group, and I reached out to some members just so I could find people to talk to about Super Junior.

Needless to say, I was hooked. This went on for the rest of the summer vacation, and in just about sixty days, I gained around 10 kg and managed to waste two months fangirling about thirteen Korean guys over the Web. It was bad. I had to get glasses because my vision was starting to blur with all the screen-sucking and insufficient sleep. I was a bookworm, but reading was not the reason why I had to visit an ophthalmologist. Fortunately, I was so competitive in school that I still chose academics over K-pop. I slowly recovered from my addiction, finding myself able to spend longer times without seeing them or listening to their songs. That was my first, and, as of now, last experience with K-pop fangirling.

It was an interesting time because it felt like my world revolved around them. I would get so jealous if one of the members was rumored to already have a girlfriend. I imagined my future with them and would laugh at their silliness and celebrate their achievements as if they were my own. The experience taught me just how influential K-pop groups can be. I could feel the sincere support of every ELF member. They would make sure that their idols felt welcomed in every concert and public appearance. It was nice while it lasted, but I was fangirling too much that I neglected my health and my responsibilities. I basically dedicated all my days to them. Even when I was sleeping, I would dream about them. It was an unhealthy practice. From then on, I would see to it that I wouldn’t fangirl anymore. I still appreciate K-pop music, but I made sure I didn’t get too attached to the singers. I don’t even want to know their names. I now listen to Korean songs sans the music videos because that might trigger my curiosity again and repeat the events of that summer vacation.

Although I’ve already moved on from my fangirling phase, I had influenced my sister regarding K-pop so much that now, she’s still head over heels for her favorite group, BTS. She’s a proud (and sometimes annoying) ARMY—that’s what BTS fans are called. She visits Twitter daily to get updates and memes, and we would often find her laughing at some cutesy video of the members smiling, laughing, and even sneezing. She would get at least one stop-mooning-over-guys-who-don’t-know-you look every day.

My sister is a “mild” fan, but there are some who are so dedicated that they sacrifice a lot for their idols. I jokingly told my friend once that I would post a comment on every EXO video that says they suck. (I don’t hate them, btw.) She expressed her advanced condolences because she knew that there are millions of EXO fans out there getting ready to pounce on me. I believed her. I was an avid fan before, and if I see a negative comment about my boys, I will gladly drop everything and shame the hater as best as I can. Fans are always ready for war when their idols are in question.

Fangirling over K-pop groups is no doubt a fun and enjoyable experience. The Internet is flooding with their performances, interviews, and reality shows. However, there is such a thing as reaching an unhealthy limit. It is okay to admire, but there’s a fine line between that and obsession. Let’s try not to cross it.

I learned a lot from my fangirling moments, and the most valuable lesson is definitely the things I got to know about Korea, its people, history, and culture. Before becoming a K-pop fan, I couldn’t even locate Korea on the map. But because I wanted to know more about my future husband’s country *aherm* I had to do my research. So it wasn’t a fruitless experience after all. I added to my knowledge regarding history, and I got to stare at cute boys who have amazing voices and whose smiles make you say “I do.”